Cold Nostalgia

i'm just a simple girl living in this not so simple world. Nothing much to say about me except i love my life, every single day of it. `Life's like a rollercoaster :) *pictures derived from deviantart and sayingimages

Friday, January 27, 2012 @ 11:21 PM

These past few days after talking to loads of people and sitting and thinking about everything. I realise that, so what if I hanged on. Its not that I think he is not worth it, that's why I stop. But rather, if I really liked him as much as I claimed, then all I want is for him to be happy. And since I cant give him that kind of happiness then why do I want to pester him and make him upset?

I do still like him, but if its meant to be then its meant to be. Love cant be forced and planned, because thats just not the kind of love that I want. So I guess this is it. Thou we talked alot for the past 1 month, it was the happiest time for me. I loved waking up and seeing your messages and read them over and over again so that I could feel fuzzy and warm. And now, all I wanted was to wake up and see you sleeping next to me. I loved that night when you hugged me tightly to sleep as thou you were protecting me from the wind and cold. Loved it when I fit so perfectly in your arms and felt so safe that I could be sound asleep. I do miss you alot but maybe this is really for the best. I hope that we can still be friends and just hang out still although we never really did that before. But still. And I hope this summer you can bring your mum to singapore and that I can bring you around.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 11:39 PM

I cant believe I screw this up again. What is wrong with me? I simply dont understand, how can I not trust someone who was so nice to me. Am I just stupid or what? I dont get it.

He told me he just wants to be friends, that he could not find the feelings that he had for me. Feeling that he could trust me and be with me. I dont understand what I did wrong. I dont. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry now. I wish bao bei was here. She would know what to do. I know she is just a dog but she never left me and now all I want is her.

I dont understand why Ray suddenly became like that, maybe I was not attractive enough or like I dont know. All i know is that i want him back. I dont want to lose him. so i'm going to wait. I know it's foolish and he may never like me back again but I believe if we are meant to be then something will happen. I believe that if I what I feel for him is real then one day he will know that he can trust me and that I'll be there for him. so now im going to take relationship off my mind and just be there for him. thats all. nothing else. even as a friend, i want to be there for him etc. i know it will be hard since i have so much feelings for him still, but i will try my best. cuz i know he is worth it. i just know it. i dont know why. but i do. and i know that if i try hard enough mircles do happen. they do.

Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 1:31 PM

Friday the 13th

Today is our first night date and I enjoyed it really much. We met a little later due to the reservation timing. Reservation? Aww I feel so blessed to have someone like him, he is so sweet. After we met at the side gate of Uni, we had a very akward hug, fair enough I was really shy and I did not want to scare him off. Then we just took the train and went to Cardiff Bay. My first time to Cardiff Bay and I'm loving it. Cuz obviously, I went with him. haha. Biased. Anyways, we ended up at Cosmos, a chinese buffet. ARghhhh.. I felt like a pig cuz I had so much food. I felt like Godzilla for crying out loud but luckily he was alright about my food intake. haha. "Honey, thanks for dinner and hot cooca" you see, I'm not really good at these things, saying thank you and stuff, its not I take him for granted but its just, i dont know how to say it. I know it sounds really stupid. AFter that he brought me to get hot cocoa while he had the manly coffee and we just walked around the bay area and talked and had fun. After that we took the train back to cardiff and back to my place to take my stuff. You see, at that point in time all I wanted to do was to wrap myself in his arms but I was too shy to do it. I dont know why I was. I just didnt want to screw this up. Anyways, we went back to his and talked and watch the ninth gate by johnny depp. Okay, that was not my favourite film of him but yea.

He was so cute when he slept. Fair enough it was just a tiny bed and all, and occassionally I would wake up cuz of my tummy and my eye were giving me problems. I felt a little unwell then, but oh well. He was soo cute. He would just cover his eyes with his eyes and that poor baby must be really tired and stressed cuz he even frowned in his sleep. All I wanted to do was to cuddle him in my arms. The next morning we had breakfast before having a little cheeky kiss. I'm going to sound sooooo pervy but I'm not joking when i say he freaking turns me on. I dont know if its his scary muscles that gives me wild thoughts or the fact that i'm just so into him or fact that he just simply flipped the switch n managed to just turn me on with his kisses. But sadly I had to go home so he could do his work :( I cant wait to be with him again. to just be near to him, smell his lovely cologne and touch his scary muscles and just be in his arms and knowing that i'll be safe.

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Friday, January 27, 2012 @ 11:21 PM These past few days after talking to loads of people and sitting and thinking about everything. I realise that, so what if I hanged on. Its not that I think he is not worth it, that's why I stop. But rather, if I really liked him as much as I claimed, then all I want is for him to be happy. And since I cant give him that kind of happiness then why do I want to pester him and make him upset? I do still like him, but if its meant to be then its meant to be. Love cant be forced and planned, because thats just not the kind of love that I want. So I guess this is it. Thou we talked alot for the past 1 month, it was the happiest time for me. I loved waking up and seeing your messages and read them over and over again so that I could feel fuzzy and warm. And now, all I wanted was to wake up and see you sleeping next to me. I loved that night when you hugged me tightly to sleep as thou you were protecting me from the wind and cold. Loved it when I fit so perfectly in your arms and felt so safe that I could be sound asleep. I do miss you alot but maybe this is really for the best. I hope that we can still be friends and just hang out still although we never really did that before. But still. And I hope this summer you can bring your mum to singapore and that I can bring you around. back to top?
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 11:39 PM I cant believe I screw this up again. What is wrong with me? I simply dont understand, how can I not trust someone who was so nice to me. Am I just stupid or what? I dont get it. He told me he just wants to be friends, that he could not find the feelings that he had for me. Feeling that he could trust me and be with me. I dont understand what I did wrong. I dont. Thinking about it just makes me want to cry now. I wish bao bei was here. She would know what to do. I know she is just a dog but she never left me and now all I want is her. I dont understand why Ray suddenly became like that, maybe I was not attractive enough or like I dont know. All i know is that i want him back. I dont want to lose him. so i'm going to wait. I know it's foolish and he may never like me back again but I believe if we are meant to be then something will happen. I believe that if I what I feel for him is real then one day he will know that he can trust me and that I'll be there for him. so now im going to take relationship off my mind and just be there for him. thats all. nothing else. even as a friend, i want to be there for him etc. i know it will be hard since i have so much feelings for him still, but i will try my best. cuz i know he is worth it. i just know it. i dont know why. but i do. and i know that if i try hard enough mircles do happen. they do. back to top?
Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 1:31 PM Friday the 13th Today is our first night date and I enjoyed it really much. We met a little later due to the reservation timing. Reservation? Aww I feel so blessed to have someone like him, he is so sweet. After we met at the side gate of Uni, we had a very akward hug, fair enough I was really shy and I did not want to scare him off. Then we just took the train and went to Cardiff Bay. My first time to Cardiff Bay and I'm loving it. Cuz obviously, I went with him. haha. Biased. Anyways, we ended up at Cosmos, a chinese buffet. ARghhhh.. I felt like a pig cuz I had so much food. I felt like Godzilla for crying out loud but luckily he was alright about my food intake. haha. "Honey, thanks for dinner and hot cooca" you see, I'm not really good at these things, saying thank you and stuff, its not I take him for granted but its just, i dont know how to say it. I know it sounds really stupid. AFter that he brought me to get hot cocoa while he had the manly coffee and we just walked around the bay area and talked and had fun. After that we took the train back to cardiff and back to my place to take my stuff. You see, at that point in time all I wanted to do was to wrap myself in his arms but I was too shy to do it. I dont know why I was. I just didnt want to screw this up. Anyways, we went back to his and talked and watch the ninth gate by johnny depp. Okay, that was not my favourite film of him but yea. He was so cute when he slept. Fair enough it was just a tiny bed and all, and occassionally I would wake up cuz of my tummy and my eye were giving me problems. I felt a little unwell then, but oh well. He was soo cute. He would just cover his eyes with his eyes and that poor baby must be really tired and stressed cuz he even frowned in his sleep. All I wanted to do was to cuddle him in my arms. The next morning we had breakfast before having a little cheeky kiss. I'm going to sound sooooo pervy but I'm not joking when i say he freaking turns me on. I dont know if its his scary muscles that gives me wild thoughts or the fact that i'm just so into him or fact that he just simply flipped the switch n managed to just turn me on with his kisses. But sadly I had to go home so he could do his work :( I cant wait to be with him again. to just be near to him, smell his lovely cologne and touch his scary muscles and just be in his arms and knowing that i'll be safe. back to top?