i'm just a simple girl living in this not so simple world. Nothing much to say about me except i love my life, every single day of it. `Life's like a rollercoaster :) *pictures derived from deviantart and sayingimages

"别太在乎，知易行难" i guess this was her msg to you.. telling to dont think so much and to take it easy..

i guess after all.. she can still give you more than what i am able to give you.. she still loves you alot and you still love her too.. told me that after natas then talk..

will you come and look for me after natas?

what will you tell me?

what will your decision be?

back to top?

a friend of mine really made my day by saying " if only i could buy you time so you would not be working so hard here and there."

it has been like 3 yrs since i last talked to him.. and for him to say things like that really made me day.. how i wish it was you who told me smthing like that.. but you are too busy.. will i get a chance to see you on the 30th?

we shall see.. back to top?

i finally realised how insignificant i mean to you.. its not just about yesterday night.. i saw the photos of u guys.. and i rmb the stories you told me about that sentosa that expensive hotel.. it made me realise that i can have that too if i want.. its just not with you..

im getting very distracted at work recently cuz i cant help but to keep thinking wth is wrong.. issit you or issit me? is it u really busy tt y u chose to ignore me or cuz u wanan avoid me?? i really dont know.. and just cuz of one "silly girl" made my heart stir all over again thinking will it be like old times again? will u be back again for me?? will you come back and bring me wherever you go?

i want you.. i want to be with you.. but whenever i see those photos of u n her.. i cant help but to feel that i cant have u.. its wrong.. cant help but to think how happy you are with her.. i mind.. i mind alot.. im not jealous of anyone else cept her.. cuz she has u.. i rmb that day u told me.."silly girl dont be jealous of her.. cuz u have my heart" do i really? if i really do and u are busy i wont be like this.. i would understand.. but do i really have ur heart that is the most impt question..

are you still in my life? back to top?

am at work now.. feeling so tired.. ended work at around 3 am plus then had to wake up so early again for work.. there is flea today at scape and i so wanted to go but i cant.. oh well.. there will be still another time.. :)

right now listening to 98.7 and rihanna and enimen song. " love the way you lie" everytime i hear the chorus by rihanna i cant help but to think of you.

" Just gonna stand there
And watch me burn
But that's alright
Because I like
The way it hurts
Just gonna stand there
And watch me cry
But that's alright
Because I love
The way you lie
The way you lie "

everytime i hear this part i cant help but to think of the lies that you feed me with and how i continue to believe in them.. im angry at myself not because i cant let go but cuz i dont want to let go.

i know everytime you tell me an excuse you are walking one step further away from me but i cant help but want to pull you back.. everytime you tell me you cant make it for work.. i try to believe in it even though i know deep down inside you are just running away and trying to avoid me.. no matter what.. i will still be the 3rd party in this whole story..

the story that i can stop....... back to top?

today is my bday.. happy bday to me..

however, this is the day i hate the most.. i was looking forward to this day.. cuz i have confidence in you.. in us.. that you would come back for me.. that you would not leave me here.. that you would honor your promise of taking care of me.. but in the end.. you still threw me to one side..

i knew i would not be able to meet you since the 1st day you told me "i'll make time" i knew it would just be another lie but i still held on to it.. cuz i believed in you.. cuz i really believed that you love me..

when i saw your number appear on my phone just now.. i was so happy.. when you said " hi love, happy bday" i was very happy.. but i tried not to show cuz i knew following that would be excuses.. everytime.. you would give excuses not to meet me.. excuses for everything..

i dont know what else to say anymore.. im tired.. im hurt.. and im suffering.. everyday i tink about you before i go to slp, when i slp and when i wake up and everytime inbetween.. even when it rains i think of you.. thinking of how you gave me your sweater in the cold.. how you always made sure i had enough to wear when in bebbies.. pampering me.. and always wanting to know how i feel..

that day i was so upset with myself.. i almost cried in public.. a few drops of tears appeared and when my fren tried to cheer me up.. all i could think about was u.. about how u always tried to cheer me up when i was upset.. like that night in city oberland.. when you sang to me "sorry" or when everytime you say "so give me a time" or times when you say " silly girl you know i love you.." i wish to say i do to everything.. but i dont... i dont even noe how i can continue walking now..

im scared of ppl.. im scared of letting ppl know what i feel.. im scared of socializing.. im scared of being hurt.. i really dont know what else i should do.. there is so much inside of me that i wish i had answers to.. but i know.. even if natas fair is over. i would never know.. even if tml was the end of the world..

but there is smthing i know.. is that i should say bye bye...

i had enough.. crying on my bday is the worse thing that can happen to me.. i tried to smile and everything but ever since tt call.. my whole world went back to square 1.. back to top?

STOP WASTING TIME ON PEOPLE WHO DONT LOVE YOU....

this is something i have been telling myself lately.. but somehow it doesnt seem to work.. everytime when there is free time my brain suddenly channels itself to think of you..

and its even worse when i start getting emotional in public.. thanks fy for being there for me just now.. i know i haven been nice today.. and im glad that you bothered to make me laugh and cheer me up during the train ride.. though i was trying my best not to bawl out on the mrt like a big baby.. haha

but when i was being cheered up.. i suddenly thought of you.. thought of city oberland.. thought of that night you made me unhappy.. that night which you asked me to listen to this particular song called sorry.. you told me that this is the thing that you wanted to tell me.. what? that you are sorry for making me angry or sorry for wasting my time? after that.. after making me smile.. you told me this.. " i promise to care for you forever, even as a brother, friend, boyfriend or husband."

i rmb you telling me that " you will never leave me.. as long as i love you" why? if you didnt love me why fo you still want to stay? do you feel that you have to take responsibility? if that's the case i rather you just go.. but wait.. didnt you go already?

this whole mth.. i heard nthing from you.. none what so ever.. apart from that night when you were drunk and talking nonsense.. i never heard anything else again.. From " please dont doubt my love" to no calls at all.. its really a big blow to handle..

and the thing about " you wanting to be a good man." for who? its not for me.. but for her.. you knew all along that in the end you would choose her.. cuz you are not an ungrateful man.. but you thread me along cuz you felt guilty.. but do you know how much you hurt both of us?

you told me you would arrange thurs.. but today is already monday.. and?? no news from you whatsoever.. im tired of waiting.. because i have no idea what im waiting for.. you tell me wait until this mth is over.. but if in the end.. you tell me.. "we're over" i cant handle it..

even now.. i cant handle it.. i have been supressing all my thoughts and feelings until i cant bottle it up anymore.. i tried not thinking about you.. i tried burying myself with work.. but ultimately in the end when i reach home.. you come into my mind.. and your words, " why do you doubt my love for you" it sounds soo real until i really wish to believe in it.. but i dont dare.. im scared...

the "bottomless pit" is really bottomless.. i really cant seem to stop falling deeper.. its getting scarier and darker and colder by the day.. and you are no where in sight.. like you promised.. u promised never to let me go.. but now.. i cant even find you.. i dont dare to call you.. for fear that i may disturb your work.. but when you dont reply my msges i get upset..

but in the end i know you moved on.. your pass is her name.. her fb is your special night.. how obvious can it get..

i know im no dimsel but still i wish for a knight to save me from this plight.. back to top?