Cold Nostalgia

Friday, June 4, 2010 @ 10:26 PM

There are times in life when I pause to think, "what the hell am I doing?"
And that time is now.

I start to ponder about, "what ifs."

what if this didnt happen? what would my life be like?

what if this was all just a lie, how would I react?

what if this was all just a dream, what would I do?

what if all that I am holding on to right now just breaks away?

And the list goes on.

Right now I am thinking,
what if I stayed?
Will it change anything in your life?
And what if i left?
How would you feel?

Ultimately no matter what is being said they are just words,
words that please/hurt the receiver.
Words will just be words.

Words are just piece of fragments,

that brings temporary happiness/pain to someone

You asked me to think if this was what I wanted.
Honestly, I have no idea where to start.
I dont believe in ever-lasting love,
I dont believe that a man can be faithful,
I dont believe that good things happen if you prayed for it.
I dont believe that love exists,
I dont belive in everything.
Then why am I holding on to this love?
Praying like a fool that this is an exceptional case?
And to find out that in the end that my predictions are right.

Everytime I want to know a little more about you,
I start to ponder again.
What right do I have to know?
Everytime I want to spend a little more time with you,
I think,
Am I entitled for this benefit?
Everytime I want to love you a little more,
people start to pull me back.
Why?
Do they see something that I dont?
Do they realise something that I dont wish to admit?

I dont know,
I'm tired.
Thats all I know right now.
I need a break.
A break from reality.
A break from my own life.