i'm just a simple girl living in this not so simple world. Nothing much to say about me except i love my life, every single day of it. `Life's like a rollercoaster :) *pictures derived from deviantart and sayingimages

*Tweet Tweet Tweet*

That seems to be the only thing on my mind now. No I'm not talking about tweeter. I'm talking about peace. Birds and peace only has a link unless the bird is a dove which I doubt the ones in my mind are. Why peace? Alot of things have been happening in my life, its just like being stuck in the ocean and there is nothing you can do to get back on shore. And the worst part has yet to come. Suddenly a whirlpool had to come along and wreck my tiny little boats to shreds. Yep, that's pretty much what's happening in my life. Despite the havoc I managed to take in a deep breath and calm down my thoughts.

Recently I had a chat with my friend the other day to find out that "hey, I really do have an identity crisis." Too many things have been happening these few years and I have changed alot, into someone I hardly recognise. These few days I have been picking up the wooden shreds from the boat wreck and tried to piece them together. To be brutally honest, its not easy at all. Trying to glue or tie back the pieces while the whole world mocking you behind your back. It sucks, but that the reality of life. It's something you cant run away from.

My love life this year is what I would like to describe as forbidden. Just like how Adam & Eve were not allowed to eat the apple in the sacred garden. Or how Romeo & Juilet's love were made out to be. In ancient China, if this were to happen, the people who were involved are to be thrown inside pig cages and dumped into the sea. Whereas, in the Western culture it was deemed as something unethical, unheard of or even unthinkable. However, times have changed. Situations have not and people's perception are still the same. It's interesting how times can change and how people can develop but how values stay. So back to my story of forbidden love.

Forbidden love like something a person might desire at a certain point in time, whether be it strong or weak. It possess something which captivates the curious mind and once you're in it. End of story. Nothing good ever comes out from something forbidden be it in the past or in the 21st century. As long as it doesnt belong to you, happiness will not follow. So all you are doing in this forbidden love is indulging in self pity, in curiosity, in delusions and in hopes that dont exist. All you are doing is creating a world, a fantasy to run away from the reality of life. Love should not be that way. Love should never be the reason you are running away from something because those kind of love are just temporary.

It's time to wake up from that fantasy world and get back on track. It doesnt matter how long you stray, it matters on how much are you willing to get back on track. back to top?

i guess you are better off without me.. dont you think so? back to top?

arghh.. what is wrong with today.. i know i wanted my life to be happening but not in this manner right..

started out at 4am plus when uncle told me that dad is hospitalized cuz of mild stroke.. in the end just chest pain for investigation. went down to the ward that he was in and ok la.. nothing happened that time.. after that wanted to go to the cafe near AnE there to buy some food in the end its closed!!! how can it be close???? ridiculous.. isnt it suppose to be 7 day wk? haha.. i dont know cuz i never really work sunday in AnE before. then after that.. when home to freshen up b4 meeting my cousin to IT fair.

while going to the train i was suddenly stopped by this lady who called out to me.. i took out my earpiece and she said, " can give me money to eat? " yes i do feel sad that you dont have money to eat but then how come suddenly there are more these type of people on the streets and in mrt nowadays. the gov shd do smthing about it. do more for those in need. you cant even take care of your needy ppl how do you expect your country to excel? then on the way down the escalator.. these 2 uncle were blocking my way.. i said excuse me TWICE and none wanted to budge.. seriously.. be considerate can?? are you like deaf or you dont understand what is excuse me? lucky one of the uncle move abit for me to squeeze through.. the other one.. i swear i wanted to kick him down the escalator..

i know my mood is pretty bad.. yes.. cranky when i dont get enough slp and food..

after reach my cousin house.. my popo bath the mad dog who bite her.. it was a 4cm wound and abt 0.5cm deep.. the mad dog.. that's why i love my baby.. she's not tt mad.. did dressing for my popo before going to IT fair.. super alot of people and the laptop that i wanted to get was SOLD OUT? my luck.. seriously sucks today.. then i settled for another since the graphic card seems better and it was cheaper. after buying took cab back to cousin hse before resting and going home.

decided to take cab home.. wrong move.. the cabbie uncle started talking abt blue eye ppl and black eye ppl.. and abt god and adam and eve and make love and babies and how guys shd treasure girls cuz girls can be pregnant n guys cant. etc etc.. after reach home.. another bomb attack..

my dad said, " lets go TTSH, your ah ma admitted." i told him i dont want to go but noooooooo, im not given a choice because im a freaking female. he said. " your mother not here so you must go. " my mothere here or not.. its not like i got a choice right.. hate it man.. hate it.. seriously.. you are my dad and so? doesnt mean u can start bossing me around and expect me to respect u.. i'm sorry i dont.. i do wad im suppose to and dont expect more from me. then when we reach there.. u all know hosp got 4 ppl policy.. in the end he quarrelled with the ppl downstairs cuz upstairs gt 4 ppl already and he cant go up.. and he was pissed.. seriously la.. there is like what.. 6 ppl upstairs already.. just ask the kids to come down.. its not like they need to be up there right? he go up then do what? what make decisions.. pls la.. talk fucking crap ok.. maybe its cuz that's not my mother i dont feel his pain. but whatever.. none of my business.. his problem is none of my concern.

finally managed to vent of at least 20% of the fire in me.. whew.. hope tml will be a better day.. back to top?

back to top?

back to top?

Everything has to have a stop, including this.
It's time to wake up and start living my life, my way..

I am no longer going to care about what happens next,or how much pain is going through each day.
All I know is that I should not care about something which is not worth it.

It will be hard to let go.
Hard to forget everything that has ever happened.
Hard to let go of the feelings trapped inside.
But the least I can do is try.

Starting from now. back to top?

back to top?

ok.. please bear with me people. I really have to vent this anger out before it drives me to become a monster.

So what is a boyfriend in your understanding? Someone who is with you, cares for you, loves you, spends time with you and one who does things with you willingly. Something along that line right? WRONG. A bf is someone who find an empty slot in their busy lifestyle and just slot you in just some freaking business deal.

You dont have to glue to me 24/7 if you dont want to, I'm not forcing you. Just ignore me lor. isnt that what you do best? You have pass that age. I havent. I'm still in my youth stage. I still hunger and crave romance. Not like you. I still need that time where we will spend time together and create memories together. But you? You are at the stage where you say, " lets cut the romance crap, so you wanna get 2gether or not."

Dating to you is just a plain chore right? I pick you up, we watch movies and eat. Ok, end of story. Goodnight. WTF is that? Am I childish? Ask any girl my age, can they tolerate their bf treating them like that? Work is more important, this is more impt, that is more impt, every fucking thing is more impt. then where do i stand? your feet? or your toes? definitely not your heart. Dont go on telling me you are impt, you dont understand, i love you blah blah blah all those sweet talk. if you intend to say something mean it. if you intend to make a promise, fulfill it. dont just go around playing with words that you arent going to hold on to or you are going to forget. these words may not change your life, but guess what. it changes mine.

You think i like to do this every fucking day? to be emo and mop around. hello.. i want to have a life too. apparently right now im having trouble getting my life back together. but are you helping? NO. you say you care. ok. so where were you when i got rejected from NTU? hmm.. office.. where you again when i needed to apply for SIM? hmm.. office.. and where were you when i needed a shoulder? hmm.. office, universal studios, out having fun while related to work. so.. where were you again when i needed a bf who cares. i dont know. are you still here in this world? ok. i am childish to write all the msges.. but when were you matured? does putting your gf in the last place matured? or disregarding her feelings but saying you dont like her being emo or throwing tantrum or simply she is just too bloody naggy matured..

So if that is not matured what is? Hmm.. call when we have the time to talk, or meet when we both have free time slots? Sorry.. love is not something you just fit into your schedule. if that is love, then any freaking tom, dick or harry can be my bf. Love is something where you put in effort to meet the other person. To do things for other ppl. To do things to show that you care and love that person. Things which bonds both of you 2gether. Like eg. communication. How can we have a bloody rs when there is no freaking communication? when one tries to talk and the other says, " shut up, you are too naggy." or when one tries to ask the other says, " why? ahiya i call you back later and tell you k." or other fucking crap. If that is communication to you then i will just shut up and stop talking for the rest of my life.

you tell me you dont like me talking to him. OK. then stop talking to her. dont go and tell me this is different. just shut up cuz its bloody fucking same. ok. if i were going to be with her it would have been 2 years ago. same goes for me. if i were to be with him it would have been what 5 years? or more ago. then? you say.. cant you tell he is treating you like a spare.. then i ask you. cant you tell that she is treating you like a fling. all the ai mei that is going around you 2. please... even the freaking blind man on the streets can tell. i'm not stupid alright. dont treat me like one.

honestly i really thought this relationship could be different. i thought that this relationship could last. i thought that this relationship can allow me to start believing that love truely exists. But guess what. love doesnt exist. even no matter how much you hope for it or pray for it, it wont happen means it wont happen. even if you cry your heart out, if they dont care there is nothing you can do. even if you cut your heart out to show them how much you love them. it doesnt matter. love is superficial. love is fake. promises are meant to be broken. words are meant to decieve and hope.. is meant to be dashed.

there is nothing happy about life. there is nothing to look forwards to anymore. the sunrise? big deal. its just another day.. another day of misery. so what is with "tml is another brand new day"
total bullshit. back to top?

back to top?

back to top?

back to top?