Cold Nostalgia

Saturday, March 27, 2010 @ 5:50 AM

what is this feeling that i am feeling now?? i really dont know... its a mixture of emotions.. something that i really dont like.. makes me wonder who am i actually and what am i.. i really dont know.. there are alot of things that i dont know and wont know for sure.. and i really dont think that there will be a day whereby i am in your life.. maybe you may say that.. but dont you think actions speaks louder than words?

some actions that you may have shown may show that you care.. but care for whom? who am i to you? right now.. im sitting here yet again staring into this blogger screen of mine.. why cant my thoughts just straighten out?? why cant i find the start of my thoughts.. right now.. its just a jumble of stuff.. i know i should not complain about the stuff that has happened and is happening.. but really there is so much inside of me that i need to let out.. but to whom?

suddenly a tear managed to creep out from the corner of my eyes and down my cheeks.. its the 2nd time besides yst that i cried cuz of you.. cuz of this whole situation both present and past.. this is why i decided that at this moment.. i really wish to numb my feelings.. i really dont like rollercoasters right now.. and i really am not in the mood for any rides.. so just let me off? i really dont know what else i cant do to stop falling for you.. suddenly i felt this achy pain in my heart and i really wish it could stop.. i really do.. i really wish everything could just numb itself..

right now you are next to me.. but you know what.. it feels like we are miles apart.. i believe if you really love someone you will be more sensitive to their feelings.. so question now is how much do you love me? do you even know what im feeling inside right now? i really doubt so.. and question to myself.. can i be with an insensitive man? someone who maybe cant even be bothered to ask "what's wrong?"