i'm just a simple girl living in this not so simple world. Nothing much to say about me except i love my life, every single day of it. `Life's like a rollercoaster :) *pictures derived from deviantart and sayingimages

right now in the bus.. waiting to cross the border into france.. forgot where i left off that day regarding this trip.. but i am glad.. im glad i came.. to see the world.. the world i never would have imagined stepping into.. being in switzerland seeing those breath-taking sights.. really make me feel that singapore will not be my final stop.. where you may ask.. i dont know.. this tour is fun.. i guess its true.. a good tour begins with the leader.. but still prefer free and easy.. :x

hmm.. had one of the most interesting dinner yst.. began with the steak with foie gras accompanied with red wine and huge dish of creme brulee.. sounds romantic?? hahahhaha.. the food and ambience is.. but the person.. wahaha.. not really..

maybe what you said is true.. if life was simple.. it would be boring.. but still.. still scared of taking the next step.. sounds stupid.. yes i know.. you asked, "what confirmation would you like".. correct me if i am wrong.. marriage is not the best confirmation.. cuz its just binding 2 people by a piece of paper. and do you need a piece of paper to tell the other party how much you love them? to some marriage is important.. cuz it means that you wana spend your life with them.. but people in marriage can stil have affairs and stuff.. so what does this marriage slip actually signifies??

for eg.. johnny depp.. he did not marry his love, vanessa paradis.. for it will ruin her perfect name.. true to a certain extend.. cuz it will be vanessa paradis depp.. hahaha.. not nice.. but they have been happily 2gether with their kids for so many years.. so i guess it really depends on love and the 2 people that it brings together..

am i wrong to think this way? i mean true.. who doesnt want the cert.. to be legally theirs.. but with time.. love fades.. then what will it be that is binding them 2gether?? back to top?

u noe how my blog actually asks.. would you choose someone you love or someone who loves you.. hmm.. right now.. i rather choose someone who loves me more then i love them.. just a piece of thought that i needed to get off my brain now. back to top?

sometimes by asking may not mean you care.. and sometimes by caring doesnt mean you ask.. guess im stuck here yet again thinking about what i should be blogging about now.. what you said about the age gap is true.. there is a gap.. but what francis told me may be quite true now.. age does not matter.. maybe that is true.. but all i noe is that this gap between us is getting wider and wider..

maybe you tink or maybe you really understand me but all i can say is that everything is taking place now.. the numbing process.. the slowing down of everything.. the aching of my heart.. the tearing of my brain.. its all coming in place.. soon.. i mean real soon i might actually have a breakdown..

you know what.. its not the age that matters.. its just.. we are in 2 different worlds.. worlds that will never collide.. like pluto and mars.. they will never collide.. like us.. this wont last.. there is too much that i dont know how to handle.. there is too much of you that i dont know what or how to react to.. everything suddenly just became super complicated..

you tell me that i mean alot to you.. that you really do care.. and that you love me... but know what.. the painful thing is i really cant feel it.. maybe you really do mean it and its just my numbness is taking process.. but i wanna get off.. i need to get off now before my world world comes crashing down upon me.. one experience is enough for me.. i really dont need a 2nd teaching..

i guess im wierd.. fang yann was a simple guy.. with him everything was simple.. little things would make me happy.. just the sight of him popping up on my doorstep.. but when i was with him.. i didnt want this simplicity.. i wanted something out of the ordinary.. now when i actually have something out of the ordinary with you.. i dont know how to handle.. and just wanna be simple..

i guess love is just not my cup of tea.. and its really too hard for me to comprehend stuff and that i really am just tired.. tired of everything..

anyways.. i have reached a decision.. one which i think i will not regret.. back to top?

what is this feeling that i am feeling now?? i really dont know... its a mixture of emotions.. something that i really dont like.. makes me wonder who am i actually and what am i.. i really dont know.. there are alot of things that i dont know and wont know for sure.. and i really dont think that there will be a day whereby i am in your life.. maybe you may say that.. but dont you think actions speaks louder than words?

some actions that you may have shown may show that you care.. but care for whom? who am i to you? right now.. im sitting here yet again staring into this blogger screen of mine.. why cant my thoughts just straighten out?? why cant i find the start of my thoughts.. right now.. its just a jumble of stuff.. i know i should not complain about the stuff that has happened and is happening.. but really there is so much inside of me that i need to let out.. but to whom?

suddenly a tear managed to creep out from the corner of my eyes and down my cheeks.. its the 2nd time besides yst that i cried cuz of you.. cuz of this whole situation both present and past.. this is why i decided that at this moment.. i really wish to numb my feelings.. i really dont like rollercoasters right now.. and i really am not in the mood for any rides.. so just let me off? i really dont know what else i cant do to stop falling for you.. suddenly i felt this achy pain in my heart and i really wish it could stop.. i really do.. i really wish everything could just numb itself..

right now you are next to me.. but you know what.. it feels like we are miles apart.. i believe if you really love someone you will be more sensitive to their feelings.. so question now is how much do you love me? do you even know what im feeling inside right now? i really doubt so.. and question to myself.. can i be with an insensitive man? someone who maybe cant even be bothered to ask "what's wrong?" back to top?

my 2nd day in swiss.. hahaha.. 1st day wasnt that bad cept almost got lost but luckily people here are nice despite the language barrier.. managed to reach my hotel after donno how many hours.. mine was the last room.. quite scary.. but managed.. hard to sleep maybe due to the jetlag.. haha.. woke up at around 5am, sg time around 12noon.. haha.. called ying to chat until the sim card has no money.. haha.. it was only a few mins.. but managed to top up at the airport..

1st day with the tour. i realised one of them is from my prcp ward.. hahaha.. hmmmm.. but oh well.. people on the tour are nice.. most of them.. hahaa.. went to really nice places.. but sorta forgot the names.. the 1st was a lake.. called river rhine.. the view is really magnificent.. and the castle above.. just speechless.. really can take your breath away.. had hot cocoa.. not that fantastic.. taste the same as the swiss choco tt i use to drink when i was younger.. :) after that we went to germany.. how cool is that?? hahaha.. went to this cuckoo clock place.. cuckoo clocks are soo beautiful.. thou irritating at times but really a piece of work.. after that we travelled to the black forest. miss the smell of pine trees.. they really perk your spirits up.. no joke.. we went to this resturant in the middle of no where.. behind it were all mountains.. such a secluded place.. but very romantic.. i love the cottage feel of the resturant.. feels very at home.. had this pork knuckles which i could not even finish 1/2.. i swear it huge... really.. had the black forest cake.. with rum.. the rum is not bad.. but i dont like the brandy cherries.. and guess what.. some of the drivers and waiters are really handsome.. hahaha..

aniways going to sleep soon.. out hotel is an old building with old lifts.. really nice.. not magnificent but really nice.. dont know how to describe... shall blog again when i have the time.. maybe tml.. hmm.. back to top?

i may be the world biggest fool.. i have decided i will go to swiss without my cousin.. maybe the most stupid decision i have ever made in my whole entire life.. but.. i chose this path..

see y'all when im back back to top?

maybe 1 wk was too much for me to handle.. guess waiting is not my game and maybe one day when you come back u will realise i wun be here anymore..

im tired of waiting for the phone to ring.. waiting online everyday for you to come as you please and talk to me.. tired of being 2nd place..

guess you're not really the guy who is meant for me.. and maybe the sudden decision to go overseas with you is really stupid..

i am done.. done waiting for you to waltz into my life like the 1st day i met you.. back to top?

just wanted to share wit you this lyrics of this song which i am currently hooked on now.. feeling exactly like this song.. haha..

Need You Now Lyrics
Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now back to top?

arghh.. just fucking pissed off.. i seriously cant take it animore.. enough with the trip frustrations already.. we are just on freaking wavelenght and you cant understand wad the hell im trying to say.. seriously.. is it that hard to plan one freaking trip?? yea i get it.. you're tired of planning but helloo.. i am too ok.. and if i have to see you attitude and go on this trip.. its like gg to piss me off man..

im just rambling my frustrations here.. its like.. i dont understand what is with your attitude.. i know.. he wants me to go and i want to go and you dont know y u are going n u feel like a lightbulb.. but seriously do u tink i will go there n let u be a lightbulb?? if thats realli wad you tink of me.. then i got nthing to say..

end of story back to top?

as i stare blankly into my computer screen, a string of question enters my mind.. what are you doing? have you eaten? are you cold? are you well? do you miss me? and the question just continue to fill this tiny brain of mine.. i want to fall deeper into your world, your life.. but before i do.. is there space in your life to accomodate one more person?

your world seems so preoccupied with work.. i understand work should be first priority and that i should not be selfish.. but i really hope with this tiny heart of mine.. that you could acknowlegde my presense inbtween ur toilet breaks or your smoking break.. even if its a simple "dont wait up for me" makes a huge difference..

so glad that i could hear your voice yet again and see your face even if it was for a short while.. which gets me to my point of hating the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder".. to hell it that.. absences just screws up my mind and my emotions.. it just makes me want you more by my side..

despite the long distance and the minimal contact, i really want to just fly over there now and appear at your doorstep.. giving you the biggest surprise anyone can give you.. falling asleep while watching you do your work.. that a dream that im having now.. just want to be by your side.. like you said.. "glue knows no boundaries." but why am i restricting myself?

why am i stopping myself from falling deeper in love with you.. there is so much that i want to give to you.. so much that i want to share with you.. but i am afraid.. i am afraid that this will just be a dream .. and one day when i wake up.. everything is gone..

what will i do if the day when all the things we shared becomes a speck of dust in this world? back to top?

today seemed like a better day as compared to yesterday.. but we will know only after the clock strikes 12... went out wit my family today and i had a surprise call from someone.. haha.. sounds really silly to be thinking about you the whole day then finally you name pops up.. the first call since sunday.. missed your voice.. miss your face.. miss everything about you that is missable i guess.. feeling exactly like what you described me as.. silly and guillble.. it was really nice that you decided to call while climbing the mountains.. really appreciated it.. despite saying that you will msg later which you didnt.. didnt exactly disappoint me as much as before..

a small smile creeps in at the fact that im talking to you online now while u being drunk .. the fact that you even bother to talk to me rather than go to sleep.. makes me feel that maybe i do have a small tiny space in your life.. i donno.. maybe im over thinking stuff like i usually do..

anyways.. not feeling very well these few days.. having realli bad tummy ache.. n its killing me.. realli need a big hot pack.. back to top?

the time now is 0223 hours.. i have been trying to sleep for the past 4 hours or rather the past few days after you have been gone but i cant.. i tried sleeping early.. tried staring at my wall, tried counting sheeps, tried everything possible which can help me just shut my eyes and stop thinking about you.. but it all doesnt work..

just stop it already.. just stop running around in my mind.. stop telling me to think with my heart and not my brain.. i tried and this is how it ends up to be.. its killing me.. this mental countdown every single day is killing me.. waiting for the clock to strike 10pm, waiting for you name to pop up on msn.. and when it doesnt.. i will just psyche myself telling myself that you are busy.. that you are tired.. giving all type of damn excuses that i can find in my brain to forgive you not turning up as expected..

i cant do this everyday.. expecting thing will work out the things they will.. its not possible.. there is just too much in a relationship and too much in love which doesnt make sense.. i cant just sit here and wait for you to come back every single time.. what if one day you dont come back? what am i to do then? what can i do then? i dont want to wait for that day to come when i realise i have fallen too deep for you... cuz from what i know now.. i already have..

i have been turning round in bed for the past 4 hours waiting for my phone to ring.. waiting for your name to appear yet again.. i dare not fall asleep.. im afraid that if i do i'll miss the chance to talk to you.. cuz i know if i miss that chance.. i dont know when i might have it again.. your schedule change faster then the direction of the winds.. your words seems so sincere yet so foreign.. the things you say.. the promises that you have made.. just seem to be hanging on a thread.. a thread that i hold on to as if my life depended on it..

i just cant continue this anymore.. i cant just sit there waiting for you to waltz in and pretend that nothing has happened.. i just cant control my feelings anymore.. please just spare me.. please just get out of my mind.. just stop appearing in it and just leave me alone..

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today i had a quarrel.. with my best friend.. its the 1st time in 8 yrs we have ever quarrelled.. the reason of the quarrel maybe a misunderstanding but really.. i really din expect him to have said the stuff that he did.. i feel really sad.. im afraid i may lose this best friend for life but on the other hand his words hurt me alot. people can judge me but not him cuz he knows me too well. but i guess i was wrong to believe in that.. suddenly i just dont know what to believe anymore.. i know he is concerned but things he said doesnt tell me that.. saying stuff like i told you so.. is really not the words that i want to hear at this point in time.. i know what has happened i know but you have to remind me that alright..

i really dont know if this friendship can still last or not.. but i really dont have the strenght to hold on to it anymore.. deep inside of me i feel like crying, feel like giving you a slap in the face, feel like telling you im not what you said.. but i cant.. right now inside of me is just a hollow wall... back to top?

changes are unexpected dont you think so? recently there are so many things in my life that has changed and its worse when i didnt have the time to even absorb one change. well, things that have happened is going to interview but they haven't called me back yet and also being in and out of crushes..

hmm.. crushes.. what can i say about that.. it will disappear as time goes by.. things that happen will just disappear when the time is right.. what is done is done and there is really no point in thinking or harping about it.. dont you think? time can be an angel or a devil.. if you learn from what you have done and what happen n move on, that's when time is an angel.. but if you keep harping n worry about a certain thing that when your life becomes a living hell.. every sec the clock ticks feels like a year has gone past.

this post doesnt seem to make any sense to me what so ever no matter which way i see it.. haaha... but its just something that im suddenly thinking about.. there is always 2 sides to a coin and it all depends on how you interpret your situation.. dont fret cuz life's too short for that.. haha back to top?

After that we went to La Phrao night bazzar.. Didnt have much there to buy but the stuff they sell are really cool.. i saw my favourite.. GAME BOY!!! how i miss that era when gameboys were trendy.. haha..

Day 2

we went to Khao San Road to book the tours. we book our tours from this place called mama tours.. this was the only tour that allowed us to go to 3 places in a day.. haha.. so it was pretty cool.. in the end for lunch we settled for this roadside stall for some phad thai and tom yam soup.. the tom yam soup is super delicious.. after walkin in the hot sun at khao san, we decided to head down to chinatown.. maybe the tuk tuk guy brought us to a wrong place cuz the chinatown that we went to sell things like saws, vaccum, blades, etc etc.. so i guess that could be the thieve's market? who knows. in the end we settled for some fishball noodle soup.. i swear its realli nicer than those in singapore.. im really dead serious.. haha.. and this was the day when my dear friend got sick..

Day 3

the day of our tour.. this is the most unforgettable day.. i donno whether its a good thing or not.. haha.. 1st thing when we reached, this thai guy starts telling me how much he loves me.. ok... hmm.. but to cut the whole story short, the 1st stop was floating market.. its a really cool place and really crowded and the boat ride is really fun.. after around 1 hr at the floating market it was time for us to head down to the elephant village ( out of the whole tour only the 2 of us went ). the elephant ride was really a once in a life time experience and the elephant drooled all over my leg.. argh.. but what made me really really mad was when our "driver" asked us to buy some souvieners so that he could feed the elephant and when we refused, he used to the sickle-like thing to whack the elephant's head.. i was soooo angry i almost kicked him down the elephant.. after that.. we went to this war memorial thingy which we din wanan go in, then i tink it was lunch after that.. didnt have time to take pictures cuz i was just tooooo damn hungry.. haha.. after lunch i forgot where we went but in the end we went to the tiger temple.. the one that i was waiting for the whole time.. omg the tigers are soooooo cute.. really try to visit the tiger temple if you get the chance.. although there are reports saying that these tigers are being drugged, i dont know if thats true or not cuz these tigers just laze there.. but if you can, just try to do a single tour cuz with a single tour you can spend more time with the tigers and the tiger cubs.. smthing which i didnt have the chance to.. well the day ended wit me getting kissed on the cheeks by the bus driver.. ahha.. a really wierd day for me.. after being dropped off at khao san, we made our way down to suan lum night bazzar. another place which is a must go.. loveee their pig trotter rice.. just cant get enough of it. hahaha.. and for supper.. we had Mac.. they have pork burger.. its really nice although it taste like the normal hamburgers we have here.. but still nice..

Day 4

shopping shopping n shopping.. we went to pratunam to realise that they only sell office wears and wigs so in the end we spend the whole day at platinum mall.. they sell stuff by wholesale so its really cheap and the stuff there are really nice.. we had alot of food that day also.. 1st was the tom yam noodle soup (not nice), the kway chap with the rolled kway ( not nice also), the shark fin soup (so so ) and KFC (super nice). after that we ended our night at patpong.. it was a WOW.. bars with girls dancing in bikini or is that just bra n undies. then they keep asking if we wanted to watch ping pong show.. just google what is ping pong show and you will be amazed.. apparently we did not watch it and we took that time to go for 2 hr thai massage.. omg.. that massue is sooooooooo irritating.. she kept chanting "tip tip tip tip tip" behind me.. n just cuz she chanted.. i walked off.. hahahaha

Day 5

nothing much.. this was the day we came back to singapore.. but nontheless we still shopped at siam center.. not a bad place to shop but quite small.. but its ok.. although this trip we went to places like MBK and other shopping malls but honestly, i prefer the markets much much better.. aniways really had fun during this trip and felt bad cuz my friend got sick in the end after the trip n lost her voice.. :x

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